Tuesday, July 30, 2013


Seen waiting for the Purple Line to Linden at about 8:15 a.m.

Countless studies, one conclusion: wealth decreases a person’s empathy. Wealthy people feel entitled. Wealthy people approve of greed.

Having recently come into some money (RIP Grandma Ida), I’m worried that I’ll become that guy: avaricious, Wall Street-loving Republican douchebag with luxury cars and a big home in the suburbs with a pool. To avoid this fate, I’m making a list of ways I can stay in touch with the common man:

            Take the CTA                                     X
            Eat at McDonald’s                              X
            Watch reality TV
            Read Buzzfeed articles                       X
            Rent don’t buy                                    X
            Shop at Aldi
            See movies during matinee                X
            Dunkin’ Donuts not Starbucks                                  

It’s still a work in progress; I add new criteria every day. I’m trying my best, but I regularly encounter a few problems. For instance, I live closer to a Whole Foods than an Aldi, and it’s difficult to resist the temptation of convenience, especially since I can afford it. No matter how hard I try, I simply prefer Starbucks to Dunkin’. And reality TV just sucks. 
Despite these setbacks, I will continue to fight the influence of my money. I won't let it go to my head.

Sorry I didn't write a story yesterday--my dad drove me in from the burbs. I managed to fit all my clothes in only two suitcases because I'm magical. To make up for it, you should check out the other story I wrote for All Together Now today. Magic Erasers are rad.

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