My mom hates this shirt. When I Skype with her, she says I’m too old to have an adorable kitten displayed across my chest. I respectfully disagree with her. For one thing, she doesn’t get the whole hipster irony of it all. More importantly, though, I need this shirt to attract the cat ladies.
I have this theory that cat-loving women are better to date than dog-loving women, simply because women take after the animals they adore. Women with dogs constantly demand your attention. Sure, they’re always happy to see you, but maybe a little too happy. They become obsessive, zealously loyal. You might think it’d be easy to treat such a woman however you want. But when you’ve done something wrong—like you didn’t text her all day, or you just don’t feel like cuddling—she’ll make these big, sad, watery eyes at you, bat her lashes and ask, “don’t you love me anymore?” It’s pitiful.
Cat ladies are far superior. They’re independent. They don’t need you to be involved in every aspect of their lives. Hell, they don’t even want you to be involved in every aspect of their lives. They certainly don’t care where you are most of the time. Cat ladies want exactly what I want out of a relationship: sex, and maybe grabbing a bite to eat together sometimes.
Tonight I'm going to see Shakespeare in the park with Gena! It's a production of Twelfth Night done in the style of a 60's beach party movie. As an avid gogo dancer, I couldn't be more thrilled.