Wednesday, May 8, 2013


Seen waiting for the Red Line to Howard at about 8:45 a.m.

The other day I was grabbing drinks with Vernon, the Philosophy department chair. I’m a numbers guy, so I don’t usually go in for the whole “deep questions about existence” thing; but I like Vernon, and he needed the support. The university had just informed him of their decision to cut the entire Philosophy program. They said it just wasn’t practical in today’s world. Right, like nobody in this day and age is trying to figure their shit out.

Anyway, Vernon was ranting about this philosopher, Jeremy Bentham, and how he believed the most important thing was happiness. Utilitarianism. “The greatest happiness for the greatest number.” Something like that. The man even had a system for calculating it. And I was thinking that this sounds pretty good. Don’t we all deserve a little happiness? Don’t I?

The world is shit for professors right now, especially professors like me. After almost 25 years of teaching accounting in adjunct positions, hauling my ass all over the country, don’t I deserve some security? Some respect? Don’t I deserve enough money for a new suit coat, at least? After a whole semester of staring at her, and grading her awful tests, don’t I deserve to touch Amy Lister’s lips? How’s it going to hurt her? Their final’s this week; it’s not like she’ll ever have to see me again. She may be grossed out for a little while, but she’ll get over it.

Her lips are so full, and Crayola-crayon pink. I’ve never seen anything like them. I think Mr. Bentham would side with me on this one. I think the calculations would work out. I think that’s what I’ll tell the disciplinary committee if Amy talks.

Ew disgruntled professor creepiness. Writing group was awesome last night. I can't wait to finish the story I've been working on. It's just finding the time that's the trouble. I registered for grad school classes yesterday. So excited! And that is my life in a nutshell right now.

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