Thursday, April 25, 2013

Thelma

Seen transferring from the Red Line to Howard to the Purple Line to Linden at about 8:40 a.m.

“M’am! Wait, m’am!”

The young man held out several sheets of paper; Thelma hastily snatched them and ran onto the waiting train without so much as a thank-you.

This is not to say Thelma wasn’t grateful. Rather, she was simply on a tightly-scheduled crusade for justice. Her appointment with the lawyer was in a few hours, and those papers contained definitive proof that she’d been fired from her job on the basis of her age. This had been a tricky one. Her coworkers were perfectly correct when they complained that the office secretary typed too slowly and couldn’t keep up with the latest technology, so Thelma had been forced to hire some geeky kid to find the emails that featured those complaints. After the payout, that little expense would be worth it.

Thelma had become quite the expert on these sorts of lawsuits over the years. Her first triumph came when she was only 26. She claimed that an employer refused to hire her because she was a woman of childbearing age—she managed to get the other ladies that she’d met in the waiting room in on that one. Her most difficult case was when she insisted that an employer had fired her due to religious reasons. For months she had to pretend to be pious, constantly bowing her head and quoting the Bible and dressing modestly. Thelma found that it didn’t matter if she used questionable methods to compile evidence against her bosses; the companies didn’t want the trouble or the bad publicity, so they almost always settled. Thelma would walk away with a hefty check and the effervescent feeling that comes when you recognize your own cleverness.

Went to trivia last night. We won best team name: Team Cat in a Shark Costume, Riding a Roomba, Chasing a Duckling. I know, I know. It's the best name you've ever heard. You'll never be able to come up with something better. (It refers to this delightful video, which you should really watch. I <3 the internet.)

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