The
man had a belly of Hitchcockian proportions that jiggled when he breathed,
which he always did calmly and evenly. He was the model of assurance; he knew
that he was in control. He wore a too-short tie and a fur cap that covered his
ears. As he approached the meaty woman, he licked his lips.
“Excuse
me, ma’am. May I eat you?”
The
woman turned to face him. “What?”
“I
said, ‘may I eat you?’”
“What
the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s
wrong with me. I’m hungry. It’s perfectly natural.”
“Fuck
off.”
“May
I ask why you won’t let me eat you?”
She
leaned forward and pushed her angry face towards his, which was completely
composed. “You can’t eat me, sir, because I am a human being! With a life! And a job! And I don’t feel like ending
all that right now. I suspect most other human
beings feel the same.”
“You’d
be surprised. What do you do at your job?”
The
woman had not been expecting this line of inquiry. “I work at Burger King.”
“Is
that what you want to do? Is it your dream job?”
“No!
Of course not. I’m not stupid.”
“Certainly
not. But why aren’t you doing what you want to do?”
“Well…lots
of reasons. There was this guy, so I put off college—”
“And
do you have anyone else now? A man in your life to love you? A woman? Children?”
“No.
There’s no one.”
He
took her hand and massaged it between his moist palms. “How old are you?”
Her
eyes flicked to the ground. “I’ll be forty next week.”
“I
see.” The man wrapped his pudgy arm around the small of her back. “What would
you say if I could give you a purpose? If I could make you appreciated more
than you ever have been?”
“I
guess…I guess I’d say, ‘tell me more.’”
“That’s
what I like to hear.” He kissed her forehead and ran his tongue along her
earlobe. “You, my dear, are the most delicious thing I have ever tasted.”
Oh, you know. Cannibalism. Such a cheerful topic. Tonight: gogo class graduation. Gotta go rock some isis wings.
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