Monday, February 25, 2013


Seen on the Purple Line to Linden at about 8:30 a.m.

Because he knew nothing about basic data usage, Gerry (46) did not opt for the higher data package with his new iPhone. This did not stop him from streaming TV shows—mostly “Welcome Back, Kotter” and “Cheers”—every day during his commute. He was cheerily oblivious to any problems. His phone was smart. Purchase technologically-advanced phone, enjoy endless entertainment. Gigabytes meant nothing to him. When Gerry saw his first bill, he had a heart attack and died.

Because his wife Martha (47) blamed Gerry’s phone entirely for his death, she smashed it against the brick wall of their condo building. She did not blame her butter-heavy cooking or his family’s history of heart disease. She kept a land-line for the rest of her life. She even paid extra when the cable companies stopped offering them.

Because she loved her father, Gerry’s daughter Jenny (15) filmed his entire funeral on her phone. When people came to their home afterwards for snacks and further condolences, Jenny stayed in her room and uploaded the video to YouTube. She wanted to remember the last time she saw her father’s body, and she wanted the world to remember him, too.

I am sleepy. Hope everyone had a good weekend. If anyone wants to come, I think I'm going to go to Double Door tonight. They're having a night of 50s and 60s music called "The Hop." Need to dance my stress away. 

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