Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Dane

Seen boarding the Purple Line to the Loop at about 8:30 a.m.

Don’t even think about it, lady. Don’t do it.

“I like your holiday style. Merry Christmas!”

God. Dammit.

I didn’t mean to dress this way. I wasn’t even paying attention. I grabbed my green pants because they were clean, and my red sweater because it was already on the coatrack. I had absolutely no intention of spreading Christmas cheer. I’m Jewish, for God’s sake. Christmas drives me nuts. The tinsel and mistletoe and lights permeate every waking moment from Thanksgiving until New Years’, and I hate it. That’s right. Hate.

I’m your worst nightmare. I’m the motherfuckin’ Grinch, okay? So back off.

Oh look. It's finally snowing in Chicago. How crazy is that? It's only December 18th. Seriously, anybody who has lived in Chicago all their lives and doesn't believe in climate change must be nuts. It starts snowing so much later than it used to, and it snows way less often. Something wonky is going on with the weather. 

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