Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Edgar

Seen at the "Vote Yes for Voter ID" booth at the Minnesota State Fair at about 2:30 p.m., September 2nd, 2012

I look at these young kids wandering around with their ugly orange "Vote No" fans, fattening themselves up with fried food, and all I can think is that they're dumb little shits. They've got no respect for this country, and they've certainly got no respect for their elders. We fought and died in Europe and Japan and Korea so they could stuff their mouths full of Pronto Pups, and all they do is laugh at us.

One brat--a skinny rail of a girl who looked like she'd never worked a day in her life--actually had the audacity to lecture me about how voter ID laws were only made to disenfranchise people who were likely to vote Democrat. How stupid! I'm out here in the heat trying to protect ALL voters from fraud. I wouldn't put it past those damn immigrants to go and try to vote, even though they're not citizens. And they never should be! One time an ugly red car ran right into mine, and as he sped away I could see that the driver was one of those Hispanics. Those people couldn't understand American values if they tried. They just plain don't belong here. They're going to drag the whole country down. And what do I get for trying to save us? Asinine liberal kids telling me I'm wrong.

You'd think one of them would at least offer to get me a lemonade. My doctor says I'm not supposed to have sugary things, but what does she know? You'd at least think one of their parents would offer! I swear, this whole nation's going to hell in a handbasket. I'm glad I'll probably die before it gets there.

Again, I feel a little uncomfortable just making this random person a racist. But you know...it's for the sake of an interesting story. Poor little old guy. 

Sorry for the late night post. All of my stories are probably going to have to be posted late this week--work is INSANE. My boss called a meeting today to inform us that the next two weeks will probably be the busiest we have all year. Great. 

Minnesota was epic, however! We saw the Little Crow Waterski Show, we drank Grain Belts at the Paynesville American Legion, we went horseback riding, we drank mojitos, we had a bonfire at a lakeside cabin, we went to the state fair and ate ridiculous amounts of fried food (poutine, milkshakes, camel burgers, Pronto Pups, walleye fries, deep-fried Oreos, lemonade, lefse, deep-fried cheese curds, stromboli, Sweet Martha's chocolate chip cookies, deep-fried tater tot hot dish on a stick), we found a dive bar called Red Dragon and tried their rum-tastic Wondrous Punch, and finally we went to Mall of America for shopping and roller coasters. Good. Weekend. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave a comment! It always makes my day.