Monday, August 20, 2012


Seen on the Purple Line to Linden at about 8:40 a.m. 

J.B. got a lot of dates because he told women he was in the army. Actually, he didn’t even tell them. Not at first. All he had to do was cover his laptop with stickers that said “U.S. Army” and “Proud to Serve,” or wear his “An Army of One” baseball cap. Once the women started talking to him, J.B. would invent tales of valor. But initially he’d always just let them assume. Fact is, no matter how independent they claim to be, most women want nothing more than a strong, honorable man to sweep them off their feet.

Of course, J.B. was not at all an honorable man, so these relationships would not last long. At some point he’d be confronted with a pull-up bar, or a book like “Jarhead,” or a veteran relative of one of his dates, and the messy truth would come out. The women would scream, they would call him sick and disgusting and psychotic. He had endured countless slaps across the face. But in the end it didn’t matter; he’d simply leave one woman sobbing and find another beautiful, gullible woman the next day. She’d place her hand on his arm and coo, “thank-you for your service.” 

My apologies to the man who inspired "J.B." He's probably a perfectly honorable veteran who deserves a great deal of respect. But this is a better story.

I had a very nice weekend. Friday night I gogo danced with The Fortunate Sons in Grand Ridge; there I befriended the head of a motorcycle gang and his girlfriend. They bought me a beer. I like to think this means I have protection now. Don't mess with me--I'll send a vicious motorcycle gang after you. Saturday Lindsey and I hung out with our French couchsurfer Lara. We saw some of the Air & Water Show, we walked through Lincoln Park Zoo, we drank sangria at Moody's, and we ended our day at Glenwood Arts Festival in Rogers Park. Yesterday was super lazy, except for the part where Lindsey and I went to Vintage Garage. I picked up a great retro fall dress, but it's not cold enough to wear it yet. I'm okay with this. I also re-watched the miniseries "The 10th Kingdom" this weekend, which I was obsessed with when I was 12. You can instant stream it on Netflix now; I highly recommend it if you enjoy things that are so-bad-they're-good. 

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